


Yes... Sorry.

by neko_desire



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Grinding, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Character, body image issues, trans Viktor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 18:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko_desire/pseuds/neko_desire
Summary: Anxiety was one of the main antagonists of Yuuri’s life. Stomach constantly dropping out from under him, his anxiety causes him to do things he doesn’t want to, and not do things that he wants to.And this time, it wins out again.





	Yes... Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place sometime after their engagement, but sometime before they move to Russia.
> 
> They are still currently living in Hasetsu, so you can place this wherever you want in this timeline.

Tonight, Viktor looked _stunning_. He had taken Yuuri out to a fancy restaurant and refused to let Yuuri pay even one yen. His dark grey suit somehow complimented his light grey hair (“ _It’s platinum!_ ”) with a white shirt underneath that had the top button undone. On any other man, Yuuri would not have batted an eyelid at how this outfit looked on them, but on Viktor, Yuuri felt like he could just melt into a puddle because his fiance looked so hot.

Yuuri felt like his own suit didn’t compliment him as well as Viktors suited him. His suit was the same shade of navy blue as his free skate blazer. However, the fit of the blazer was completely different to his free skate costume - it wasn’t tailored specifically to him. It was a store-bought suit that he used occasionally for press conferences and meeting sponsors. While the suit itself didn’t make him feel bad about how it looked, Viktor’s blinding beauty from his own suit made Yuuri feel a little inferior.

The meal had gone without a hitch, Viktor even tipping 50% to the wait staff, still not letting Yuuri contribute.

“I want this night to be special, моя любовь. You can pay next time.” Viktor had promised.

The food could have been described as perfection, only Yuuri still struggled to comprehend how the small portion sizes equated to the amount of money that they did. They also shared a fancy bottle of red wine between the two of them, managing to get two glasses each. Neither of them ended up inebriated, but it allowed Yuuri to relax slightly while he felt out of place.

Getting a taxi back, Viktor and Yuuri both sat in a comfortable silence, seeing no need to make idle chatter. They held hands in the back of the cab, and Yuuri managed to pay for the ride back only because he got his money out faster than Viktor as well as having the exact change.

Both giving each other gentle affectionate touches as soon as they passed through Viktor’s (temporary) bedroom door, they soon became a little more passionate and began slowly undressing each other, taking of their blazers and unbuttoning each other’s shirts a little more.

“Hey,” Yuuri murmured. “Are you sure you’re okay with doing something like this?” He began thumbing at the silver haired man’s collar nervously.

“Of course.” He replied, pressing gentle kisses at Yuuri’s neck and just under his ear. “I’ll let you know if there’s something that I’m not comfortable with, but at the moment, I’m all yours.”

Yuuri’s stomach churned a little. He loved the idea of becoming more intimate with his fiance, so just getting over his anxieties of the night would help him reach the next level. “That’s good.” He whispered, peppering kisses on Viktor’s face.

Moving to sit on the bed, they both fumbled each other’s shirts off while their lips were still connected in a heated kiss. Yuuri pulled back to admire his lover, who was now doing the same as him. He could see the faded, light pink lines against his lover's chest - scarring from top surgery Viktor had had a few years before. His arms were toned from the dance routines he practiced, but often neglected on his routine gym visits. His stomach had a similarly toned six-pack - nothing of a body builder standard, but defined enough to tell he was an athlete.

Yuuri thought of his own body - what Viktor must be seeing. He thought of his arms, thin and undefined. His pectorals sagging slightly from the excess tissues he had before his weight loss. His untoned stomach littered with scarring of old stretch marks on the tops of his hips and at the bottom of his tummy.

“You look beautiful, моя любовь.” Viktor hummed, astounded by the beauty of his lover. “I could honestly eat you up right now.”

Of course, Yuuri having such low self esteem, didn’t believe him. “You look so much more beautiful than I could ever be.”

“Oh, Yuuri, that is where you are wrong.” Viktor tutted before kissing him again. He pushed at Yuuri slightly to coax him to lie back onto the bed. Yuuri complied, falling back onto the bed with his head conveniently hitting the pillows. Viktor straddled him, kissing him gently again with the change of position.

Allowing themselves to fall into a rhythm, Viktor began testing the waters a little, grinding his hips onto Yuuri’s crotch slowly. Yuuri’s response wasn’t instantaneous, but it wasn’t particularly delayed either. Just a little bit of wriggling to try and feel a little more of Viktor’s hips against his own in response to the stimulation.

Viktor’s hands worked quickly at the front of Yuuri’s slacks, undoing the buttons and unzipping them, pulling them down as far as he could before he got Yuuri to kick them off, landing somewhere beyond the foot of his bed.

That left Yuuri pretty much exposed, with only his boxers, glasses, and socks left on his body.

He tried to turn his attention back to Viktor, fiddling with the older man’s trousers front before they too was also kicked off somewhere beyond the bed.

Viktor’s legs also seemed perfect. Yuuri could not find a flaw with this man’s physique if he tried. Yuuri turned back to himself, momentarily staring at his thighs which were also littered with stretch marks. Viktor’s gaze followed Yuuri’s but rather than catch what Yuuri was really looking at, Viktor’s eyes stopped at Yuuri’s semi-hard erection that could be seen through his black boxers.

They both kissed again, Yuuri accepting that Viktor was going to take more of a lead role. So when Viktor began grinding their barely clothed hips together again and started kissing down Yuuri’s body, why did Yuuri feel like his stomach had dropped out from beneath him?

He had absolute faith in Viktor, he really did.

His insecurities sometimes just got the better of him.

Viktor noticed this change in mood from his fiance, and didn’t really know how to respond. “Yuuri?” He cautioned.

Yuuri buried his face in his hands, his anxiety going wild. He had a perfect chance with Viktor and now he’s just throwing it away because he can’t get over himself. He _knows_ that his thoughts about his body are irrational. He _knows_ that Viktor doesn’t care about his imperfections, his stretch marks, his excess skin.

Heck, he knows that the excess skin is barely noticeable, and pretty much non-existent when he is laid on his back. He knows that the stretch marks are faded and are barely visible unless the skin is pulled to reveal their destructive shimmer.

They’ve seen each other naked before in the onsens. Why should it matter now? How is this different?

“Yuuri? Hey, are you alright?” Viktor tried again in a soft voice. Out of reflex, Yuuri nodded though the hands on his covered up face. Viktor was quiet for a moment, considering what he was going to say next. “Do… Do you want to stop?”

Yuuri forced himself not to answer with a ‘no’ straight away. He considered it. He really wanted to become more intimate with Viktor. He wanted to prove that he could satisfy his lover well, to prove to himself that he does indeed have sex appeal of his own, not just the choreographed routine that was given to him by Viktor.

But anxiety was one of the main antagonists of Yuuri’s life. Stomach constantly dropping out from under him, his anxiety causes him to do things he doesn’t want to, and not do things that he wants to.

And this time, it wins out again.

“Yes…” He murmurs. “Sorry.”

Viktor sits back and coos gently “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” He pulls a blanket over Yuuri and puts a baggy shirt on and some joggers on himself before lying down next to the man. At this point, Yuuri had removed his hands from his face, which was still beet-red.

“Sorry again.” He murmured. Viktor had gone to all the trouble to pay for everything tonight, to make reservations at places that Yuuri would have never even have dreamed would have even considered going. “I-I’ll pay for tonight. A-and I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“No need, Yuuri. I had a wonderful time tonight, regardless of what has happened here. I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you weren’t comfortable sooner.” He soothed. “It’s okay not to be ready with everything.”

He wanted to argue. He wanted to say that he was 23, and that he should be ready to have sex. But he just didn’t have it in him at that moment.

Viktor helped him sit up against the bed head still wrapped in the blanket. “Do you want me to bring Makkachin in for cuddles?” He asked. Yuuri nodded. “Just a moment then.”

Viktor opened the door and after a few moments of him being absent from the room, the big brown bundle of fur bounded into the room and jumped straight atop of Yuuri. Even if she was getting old, she didn’t act like it at all, licking Yuuri’s face all over and her tail wagging all over the place, not dissimilar from the first time that the two had met.

Viktor took a little longer to arrive, but in his hands he held two mugs of hot chocolate. Knowing that this was almost like a comfort food to him, Viktor allowed Yuuri to have the sugary drink. It wasn’t like Yuuri wasn’t having a cheat day anyway with it being his day off and being treated to a two course meal at a fancy restaurant. Yuuri was handed his drink and Viktor put his to the side to cool down.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened just now or do you want to go to sleep?” He asked, allowing Yuuri to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder.

“Tomorrow.” Yuuri stammered slightly in his next sentence. “I-I’ll talk tomorrow. Please.” He sighed, his anxiety deflating slightly as he sipped at his hot drink. “I’m a little too tired at the moment. Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologise for, моя любовь.” Viktor reassured. “Whenever you’re ready. Now let’s get some sleep.”

He kissed lightly at the top of Yuuri’s forehead and snuggled gently into his side, both of them falling into a slumber slowly, while Makkachin lay curled up at the foot of the bed acting as a foot warmer to keep his favourite people’s feet warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Oops. I may have written this in procrastination of revision for some Very Important Exams that start next week.
> 
> моя любовь = My love
> 
> Please comment/give kudos if you liked this, it means a lot! Xx


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